slowing down

i'm never good at writing blogs, or keeping it updated. but when i do, it's usually because something significant, something happy, sad, memorable, exciting etc happened.

today it's because i have a quiet moment.

had class early in the morning, and after that busied myself driving to 3 different schools getting transcripts sent on time. then i got something to eat, tried studying alittle and decided to head home when i realized i was reading the same paragraph for the 10th time trying to understand it.

it was then when i drove by ocean beach. if it was like any other day i would have driven straight home within the shortest amount of time. however, today the crashing waves kept catching my eye while i was driving the stretch of great highway. found myself struggling with the decision to keep driving or to pull over for a couple seconds, and finally i made a left turn and pulled into the parking lot right by the beach. i stepped out of the car, walked to the rocky side wall that separated the beach and the pavement and propped my elbows up on it, carefully avoiding all the bird poo splattered all over the top. hunched over i dropped my chin on my hands and stood there for some mins.

it was a clear cool day and the sun was in my eyes. my hair was caught in the wind and i kept looking out to the ocean. it reminded me alittle of the beach in nicaragua. a person was running on the beach and that reminded me of my track trainings back in crescent. the only thing i heard was the roarings of the ocean, and the only thing i smelt was the sea. i was thinking about nothing really, and then i realized maybe it's Him calling me to slow down. i didn't feel fast these days, just alot of things to do that i kept doing and they kept coming back for me to do. and it was this cycle i was caught in, still am. but standing there, i felt good, pressure lifting off my shoulders literally and i remembered being thankful for being able to stop by the ocean in the middle of the day, sensing. it almost seemed like the coziness of being covered by a big soft comforter, only, this seemed alittle better.

indulging and indulging. moments after i finally pulled my shoulders back and gave myself a lazy stretch. i felt ready to go home, to continue with my busyness.

i thank Him for meeting me through His creation.

Sense of Happiness

it's been 5 weeks since my knee surgery... and i'm walking so much better and being so much more functional than the first time.

last year's today i had everyone who loved me and whom i love come to our wedding... from everywhere around the globe. it was a very beautiful day and one of the best moment in my life. and it's been a year already.

last night i was able to talk on the phone with my best friend in Nicaragua, i still can't quite believe it and i'm so thankful for phone cards and internet.

i have a growing list of friends whom i can chill with, old friends whom i keep in touch with.

my mom calls periodically to chat with me.

my bro likes to have lunch with me on Fridays.

i am working on my goals.

sometimes things get stressful, and that's when i say bleh.
but really, i'm really, really happy.

Nicaragua 2007

Dear Family and Friends,

I came back to San Francisco 2 nights ago from Nicaragua after being there for 8 amazing days. During this period, God had blessed me with His creation and the amazing people of this place in Central America.

Nicaragua is a beautiful country, lush with greeneries and full of mountains and blue skies. Our team of 19 people first arrived in Managua, the capital city of Nicaragua, and stayed at the orphanage at Los Cedros for our first day. Some of us went to help with translation for the people at the dump site, while the rest of us stayed at the orphanage to help with taking care and playing with the infants and toddlers. The next day, we headed up to Jinotega, approximately 4 hours northeast of Managua, to the orphanage there where we spent 3 days performing various tasks. I helped with painting different areas of the orphanage, took blood pressure of the people who came to the clinical site, aided with cleaning the buildings, played basketball with the children, learned some Spanish, climbed a mountain, drank some best coffee, and made friends with the staff. After Jinotega we then headed back to Los Cedros and spent time with the teenage boys there, and visited the cities of Granada and Masaya. We finally headed home on the eighth day and it was not easy saying goodbye to the children and staff.

This trip is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Serving alongside with 18 other amazing people from my team, I watched and interacted with these children, whom without parents, all had much love to give and ready to receive love. Their circumstances did not make them victims but as individuals who love God and their friends, disciplined and hardworking in their schoolwork and chores. I also made strong connections with some of the staff at the orphanages and was amazed by the humility they had with their works. Many places in Nicaragua were poor in their healthcare and educational systems, but it was from there that I saw the works of God through His people.

I would like to thank you for your encouragement, prayers and financial contributions for me throughout this whole time. You have made this happen for me and I truly appreciate all your support and love. With my heart still in Nicaragua, I am transitioning back to the life in San Francisco and looking forward to the new challenges ahead.

Gracias y el dios bendice,

Connie

I hereby announce...

that from the very first till the final book which I was done reading on past Thurs

I WAS AND STILL AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE A SNAPE FAN

it helps to take my mind off my knee and my laptop which i spilled water all over the keyboard.

man it's painful
everything
as if you climb the mountain and you get to the top and manage to finally take that first breath of fresh air
and then the next second you are thrown right down to the bottom of the cliff

don't tell me it's ok, that it'll be fine
shut up cause i don't wanna hear that
if you didn't go through pain don't come telling me things you don't know

just need to be quiet

1 year

1 year ago today on june 16, i was going into the outpatient hospital on post street early in the morning and coming out 2 hours later in a half-asleep state, a huge bandage wrapped around my left knee covered with a big white stocking type of sock pulled up all the way to my thigh, locked in a tight leg brace. i was bounded to the couch during the day and to the bed at night, incapable of the movements i had always taken for granted. the smallest movements caused the biggest pain. knee surgery was the easy part, the tough part is getting myself on my feet again after that, literally.

took me 1 week to get in and out of the shower myself.
took me 3 weeks to perform a straight leg raise.
took me 4 weeks to walk without crutches or a knee brace.
took me 8 months to finish physical therapy.
took me 10 months to start playing alittle bit of basketball.

1 year later today, i look back on the past year and realize this experience has changed and shaped me. i'm all better, able to play ball games on the court again which i did today, and it felt great shooting and driving in. still lost alot of confidence in certain movements and there's still nagging pains in the knee, but nothing like before. i tell people that i will never want to have another experience like this, but then again i will not want to trade this experience for anything else. it has taught me humility, taught me perseverance, taught me hope and hard work. it has definitely taught me pain from a patient's view, and understanding pain by experiencing it is the best lesson i can ever learn. it taught me compassion in everyday life, and i'm looking forward to applying it in my future professional growth.

a year ago when i first learned about the torn ACL and menicus, i questioned why it had to be me. why at the time when i was playing my best game. a year later i finally realized God has an answer for everything. it's just a matter of God's time.

I FEEL LIKE CRAP

yeah that's right...