sometimes i think i try to do too much at a time, and for lots of times i keep repeating it. being in the transition of current circumstances when i try to do everything, i slowly fall back to my old self, as my friends once called me when i started stressing, constipated connie. why of all things constipated? i guess it must be that facial expression of frowning and attitude of analness i possess when i stress. and these few days when i creeped back into this moment i felt it, and then today i realize why - my brain is cramped with unnecessary thoughts that are left sitting there which soon turn into stressors, just like extra calories turning into fat in the body when not expended. and more importantly, i forgot to smile.

at club one things are really slowing down these few days. i started out the day feeling like i don't know what i'm gonna do for the day, having all these questions and about how to become a good trainer, wondering whether i'm suppose to be in this afterall, blah blah blah. then before i knew it i was talking with tracy, she comes in at 5:30am every morning working out her cardio and i love talking to her. and soon we were talking about going back to school, how she did it and stuff and then she reminded me of something i've forgotten - follow your heart and passion to do what you want.

it's so funny. i felt so much better for the rest of the day. and that's because i just do what i feel like afterwards. after work i went to ccsf to visit my athletic trainer from last semester, i was so happy to see him! it felt really good being back in the tiny training room, i had very good experiences there. Jose has been telling me about this physical therapy aide job in fremont, and that they will actually hire me right away. i so want to have it because it will be the same things i enjoy doing while at internship last semester, but well, my full time schedule at the gym doesn't really allow that to happen as of now. i felt so greedy, wanting to do everything... i'm not sure whether it's because i enjoy athletic training more than personal training, whether physical therapy is the way to go or exercise physiology, once again, blah blah blah. lol. then i realize, what the? take it as they come and enjoy the moment!

walked back to my car and there it was, a parking ticket i got for parking at a spot timed for street cleaning while i was in the training room. but i started cracking up, i find it funny because it was almost the same spot i parked where i got my first ticket (this is my second)! about the same time doing almost the same thing, it's really worth a celebration. anyone up for it?

and all the bills came in today, but then somehow i'm not that worried. not that i have that much money to deal with them, but hey, i don't want it to be the focus, anymore. if i don't have much of the bucks i'll just deal with it one at a time, when the time comes. i'll just sell stuff, move and live in my car, or something like that. lol. maybe not that bad but you get the idea.

my best friend from singapore is online chatting with me right now and i'm so glad. nothing but brainless topics but they definitely make me smile. i'm so glad that she's just there on the other side of the globe chatting with me, i feel really good :) and i'm blessed as well to have a best friend here in SF, a special friend ;) i was venting some of my stresses on him earlier on this week and i felt bad to put him through that. but he was patient and understanding and i can't ask for more. thanks so much sweetie.

i feel so good now. letting go of all the idealistic stuff i have in mind allows me to be me again. follow my passion, that will keep me going. things i like doing something i'll keep doing, if i realize i don't like something i'll find ways to find the path i want to go. there's always a way out, for tomorrow's another day, a new day :)