just got back from the attorney’s office. seems like so many things have already happened this morning the moment i woke up that time has not passed by at all.

it was good. i have reached for the next step and even though it's like a mudhole i fall into, at least i know what it is. got alot of valuable information which answer alot of my questions, i feel a sense of relieve and anxiety at the same time that neutralizes each other - i feel numb.

it's not a bad or a good numb, it's just numb. u don't feel anything when u are numb so it's not a good or bad thing i guess. this numbness inside has been radiating alot more through me recently. it numbs my usual activity and thoughts and talking that people think i am down. i don't think i am, but maybe i am. my thoughts are numb that i can't really think whether it's true or not. but on the other hand i'm not feeling bad or anything much really, except for occasional outburst of temper that makes me take my close ones around for granted. i totally dislike this. i’m sorry.

so probably, numbness does have negative side effects. i’ll work to get myself back.

i’m finding the beach and water and sun again. i’m so stupid, they have always been there. i’m the one that have been away.