life is so exciting that it's really amazing. you can't predict what's gonna happen tomorrow even if you think you do because you just can't. everything is in relation with other things that anything can happen. like a ball game a player has good and bad days on the court, gain experiences along the way and come back from mistakes, go through injuries, recover with help, or if not, move on to do something else like golf, like it and become the best of it, or leave it and try baking and starts an international business earning big bucks year round. as long as one come back at something, it's amazing what can happen.

yeah they are not sponsoring visa for me, but really, i'm not disappointed. was emailing virginia earlier on:
"... Somehow I'm really not disappointed or anything. It's weird but I believe that things will work out because if God has brought me this far to where I am right now He'll take care of me. It's really quite a relieve to know the answer of getting a visa or not and move on from there. I'm enjoying my work at Club One - I'm learning alot alot from my manager and other trainers, having a good time meeting new people. At the same time I'll be starting in looking at options for the near future, whether I would like to go back to school or some other stuff. Comes down to it again is money, but I think if I really want to go for what I want it'll work out...."

who cares where i'll be after a year. who cares what i'll be doing then. well i guess i do, but i mean things are not as bad as it seems. in fact i'm really looking forward to what's gonna happen! open myself up to all sorts of opportunities, i really don't know what will happen and i can't wait to find out ;) the past 2 days have been tough but funny how i find strength in others who are just there for me when i need them. from all over the place. all the way from Singapore and England and right here in SF. times like this i realize how creative people are too. simon called me yesterday and talked for 45 mins, that guy loves to talk! and i still find one of his suggested option too funny - making a dowry to chia so i'll get to stay and keep the money in the family too..! america is f-up man, reversing and messing with the chinese thinking. and hey simon said this himself.

it's friday! i love it :):):)

'but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.' - Isaiah 40:31

gotta sleep in till 9am because my work schedule is being switched from the morning shift to the afternoon/evening shift starting today. waking up feels funny just now, no more annoying ringin of the alarm clock to shock me up to an attack like each morning for the past month, and i can actually relax before rushing off to face the crazy day. the only thing is that i will only get off at 10pm, hmmmph... i'm not sure which is better, starting 5:30 in the morning or ending at 10 in the evening.

but then it'll be exciting to face another bunch of crowd in the gym, and i'll be learning from other trainers at how they do their stuff which will definitely help me in progressing faster. can't wait!

it's funny that when mom called me last night she talked to me like i'm still a little girl who doesn't know anything... basically she was talking 98% of the time, telling me to learn more stuff at work and budget my expenditure and things like that.... basically things that i already know and i'm already doing. hmmph sometimes pressure like this is just not very helpful, i'm just glad i know i'm doing a pretty good job surviving out here so that doesn't bother me.

darn my body is hurting quite a bit... basketball against those big guys are not really that easy. and speaking of basketball, still debating whether i should keep that pair of basketball shox xplosive... those are so coool looking....! aiyaaaah maybe i should just keep them lol.

sometimes i think i try to do too much at a time, and for lots of times i keep repeating it. being in the transition of current circumstances when i try to do everything, i slowly fall back to my old self, as my friends once called me when i started stressing, constipated connie. why of all things constipated? i guess it must be that facial expression of frowning and attitude of analness i possess when i stress. and these few days when i creeped back into this moment i felt it, and then today i realize why - my brain is cramped with unnecessary thoughts that are left sitting there which soon turn into stressors, just like extra calories turning into fat in the body when not expended. and more importantly, i forgot to smile.

at club one things are really slowing down these few days. i started out the day feeling like i don't know what i'm gonna do for the day, having all these questions and about how to become a good trainer, wondering whether i'm suppose to be in this afterall, blah blah blah. then before i knew it i was talking with tracy, she comes in at 5:30am every morning working out her cardio and i love talking to her. and soon we were talking about going back to school, how she did it and stuff and then she reminded me of something i've forgotten - follow your heart and passion to do what you want.

it's so funny. i felt so much better for the rest of the day. and that's because i just do what i feel like afterwards. after work i went to ccsf to visit my athletic trainer from last semester, i was so happy to see him! it felt really good being back in the tiny training room, i had very good experiences there. Jose has been telling me about this physical therapy aide job in fremont, and that they will actually hire me right away. i so want to have it because it will be the same things i enjoy doing while at internship last semester, but well, my full time schedule at the gym doesn't really allow that to happen as of now. i felt so greedy, wanting to do everything... i'm not sure whether it's because i enjoy athletic training more than personal training, whether physical therapy is the way to go or exercise physiology, once again, blah blah blah. lol. then i realize, what the? take it as they come and enjoy the moment!

walked back to my car and there it was, a parking ticket i got for parking at a spot timed for street cleaning while i was in the training room. but i started cracking up, i find it funny because it was almost the same spot i parked where i got my first ticket (this is my second)! about the same time doing almost the same thing, it's really worth a celebration. anyone up for it?

and all the bills came in today, but then somehow i'm not that worried. not that i have that much money to deal with them, but hey, i don't want it to be the focus, anymore. if i don't have much of the bucks i'll just deal with it one at a time, when the time comes. i'll just sell stuff, move and live in my car, or something like that. lol. maybe not that bad but you get the idea.

my best friend from singapore is online chatting with me right now and i'm so glad. nothing but brainless topics but they definitely make me smile. i'm so glad that she's just there on the other side of the globe chatting with me, i feel really good :) and i'm blessed as well to have a best friend here in SF, a special friend ;) i was venting some of my stresses on him earlier on this week and i felt bad to put him through that. but he was patient and understanding and i can't ask for more. thanks so much sweetie.

i feel so good now. letting go of all the idealistic stuff i have in mind allows me to be me again. follow my passion, that will keep me going. things i like doing something i'll keep doing, if i realize i don't like something i'll find ways to find the path i want to go. there's always a way out, for tomorrow's another day, a new day :)

spending some quiet moments at my table icing my left knee at the same time, i'm actually quite enjoying this relaxation. not that my knee has any injuries or whatever but i did hurt it alittle from yesterday basketball league game. must have tweaked it planting my foot on the ground while trying to change direction too quickly. to be more precise, i think i strained the lateral collateral ligament as well as the rectus femoris tendon because of internal rotation of the thigh at the knee joint while the lower leg and the foot is planted on the floor in the sagittal plane of the body, resulting in a slight instability of the left knee. and so, i strained it.

but good news is that i believe i have reached that maturaity level that i will recognize risk of injuries and NoT ignore it to protect my body. my ankles had suffered for my stupidity already and i definitely do not want my good knees to go through the same.

and yesterday's game at USF pissed me off...! we lost by a point but i really think we played an excellent game. what frustrated me was the total disorganized and unprofessional coordination of the league game. scores were not recorded correctly, but what's worse was that the coordinator and the staff did not know what to do in an emergency situation. suzanne dislocated her pinky and all they did was standing there frozen staring. it's a wonder that they didn't pass out to make it a perfect picture. no ice, no first aid kit? what a joke. it really makes me mad when the organizer has no knowledge for such situations. one word - stupidity. i had planned to but now there's no way i will pay sixty bucks to go through such a messy league game (i will still play though).

anyways, can't believe it's tuesday evening already. time seems to go alittle faster this week.

just finished lunch and can't believe it's 3pm already. i was really hungry for awhile but then i was only able to eat a portion of that chinese food i bought, not that great but good enough to fill an empty stomach. it's so ironic that being a health and fitness professional i never do a good job in taking care of my body - food wise. i do great with injury treatments and prevention and things like that but somehow when it comes down to food I never do a good job, even though the knowledge is there in me.

it’s like smoking – people know all those bad stuff in a tiny cigarette but they still puff their lungs away. Well my situation is not that bad but you see the similarity there, not practicing what you know is good for you. And there are thousands of examples out there, from slacking in time management to speeding on the freeway to not wanting to get your butt off that couch to move around so that the next cookie you eat might clot your artery, it’s a wonder how smart and dumb at the same time the human race has come to. Alright I’m getting off topic so back to where it is – I’m working at eating well, I’m trying at the very least.

Apart from improving in eating better I also find myself continue to grow in maturity in this new stage of life I’ve come to. Working in the new environment is teaching me so much about becoming a more confident person, the result of getting out of my comfort zone and going through bum situations. It’s only been slightly more than a week working at club one, and I’ve already found myself screwing up the first client orientation yesterday. The feeling was worse than losing a ball game by a shot and I just can’t help feel that way. And funny that it’s only me putting anal expectation on myself while my coworkers and managers recognize my first try. Thankfully I have someone who came along and help me up, accepting the way I felt and reminding me that I can overcome them. And making sure I eat too ;) and i find myself getting back up quicker to try working better with a member. And for sure I did better today. :)

Life is full of uncertainty. but it's cool, for what's bigger than than? it's that peace you ask for.
phil 4:6-7

when something is lost it really makes you appreciate its value which has been taken so much for granted, just because it's simply there serving you faithfully everyday. and so i am having this splint on my left ring finger because i sprained it pretty bad yesterday at basketball, and trying to type anything right now seems to be much more difficult. it's a wonder how the littlest thing plays such an important role in everyday life.

my first week at club one is fantastic. the pace felt pretty comfortable at the beginning of the week as i tried to familiarize myself with the club facility, staff and members. it slowed down on wednesday and thursday and that's when i started reading all those books on exercise science on my manager's shelf, when i really didn't have much to do that early in the morning. i'm not complaining though, for this might be the only slow time i have right now as i'll get a go in client orientation next week. it's a great place to work in, people there are really nice and i am having great times learning as much as i can being a trainer from other trainers, while getting a feel of the different personalities the members have. many of them are real cool and it's also funny how others look as though they are having monday blues everyday. maybe they just look like that. or maybe it's too early in the morning. or maybe they are really having a bad day.

i don't think it can be argued if i say that some of the best gifts one can give are free. you know, FREE, no charge. like those free passes to go to a gym to check out the yoga classes, but usually there is hidden agenda behind them. the ones i'm talking about are way better. like a smile and a word of "hi", where miraculously i find that many times they are antidotes of the grumpiest face. and that's it, you give them out or you receive them and both parties benefit from the whole thing, you feel great either way. how i love free stuff.

try it and you'll see what i mean. this materialistic world has way too many of its unnecessary problems that passing on free smiles and words of encouragement are actually cool. and i'm glad i have cool people around me doing so, i'm doing my best to do the same too.

it was cold waking up at 4am this morning. or actually, i woke up at 4:30am, when one out of my three alarm clocks buzzed off. the one florence lent me yesterday night didn’t work, i must have set it incorrectly somehow… but it’s a good thing it didn’t since it sounded like a deafening orchestra yesterday night when she brought it to me, i really don’t like waking up with a shock. and then somehow i didn’t switch on my radio alarm, so my other crappy clock did the job. it wasn’t that hard waking up even though with only 4 hours of sleep, i pulled on my club shirt and target sweat pants, ready to meet the day as a freshly sprouted personal trainer.

preparing to be a personal trainer wasn’t easy… buying those black sweat pants made me sweat. i was practically running to different sports shop trying to find black pants for work yesterday, and i couldn’t believe there was nothing i like. well, that was the result of a month of procrastination of buying what was needed, but i sure wasn’t picky – i was actually opposite of being picky and maybe that’s why i couldn’t find anything. i don’t need all those dri-fit or buttons or linings or zippers or whatever thingy, i just need a pair of decent fitting sweats. why do people make such complicated pants nowadays? and why do people spend a hundred bucks buying them when all they do is to walk the dog? questions, questions. can’t believe that after running all over i actually got the pants from target, but they were real comfy and good looking and hey, crazily inexpensive.

driving to work was smooth, i just didn’t like that dude working in the garage since he acted as though he owned everything and everyone in the garage. whatever. got to work and i met misha who worked at the front desk and she’s real cool. she gave me tips on parking around the area and i learned front desk stuff from her as well. it was really neat to see people working out in an upperend gym with really cool machines and weights, oh and with those giant tv screens too. it took me sometime getting myself familiar with the weight floor and getting comfortable with the environment, somehow i felt pretty adaptable. at some point it felt as though i was working back in the weight room at SFstate again, except this time i have way more responsibilities taking care of the needs of the members at the club. and i have been pretty nervous all this while whenever i think i’m gonna train someone. the anxiety of knowing that i will screw up somehow due to inexperience, but the excitement that i will be learning something new, talking to other trainers about stuff i don’t know about, meeting different staff and members and the anticipation that i will ACTually train somebody.

i can’t wait to be a good trainer. a really good trainer.

feel super blessed to get a job where people are cool and everything here, and knowing that all those knowledge i have gained in school i am able to use and expand with creativity on it made me excited. i think i will really like this job, i think i’m already on my way of doing so.