I FEEL LIKE CRAP

yeah that's right...

WOAHHHOAHHOAHHAHAH!!!!!

LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-adrenaline pump-

Lord have mercy

-song of my heart-

Jesus, I've forgotten the words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Chorus
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me
Repeat

I have built an altar where I worship things of men
I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning to Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgressions
Help me love You again

Repeat Chorus

I have longed to know You and Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end
I bow my heart before You in the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

Michael W. Smith (Amy Grant)

blah blah blah

i want to update my blog with this new post, but the thing is i don't know what to write. or i don't know where to start. or whether it's interesting. i don't want to feel like writing an essay 'cause i just crammed out one yesterday. feels like there's so much to do but i'm not getting much done (as you can see i'm writing this blog instead of doing my work). aiyahyah.

so 4 more weeks to school... 6 exams, 1 quiz, plus a whole bunch of labs and lectures before the final exams. i'm not too worried now, i mean i still stress out before all those but realizing that i've survived the ones before these, i think i'll come out in one piece. it's keeping myself going and focused when 1/2 the class dropped the subject.

of course there's summer school... and the class i wanted to take is already filled up. it's really annoying since every semester it's the same thing....! BIG sigh.

one happy thing is, i finally can play hoops without pain in my knee :) last week i played in this league 3 games in a row, my first games back 10 months since the surgery, and we won everything :) what a great start.

emotions

on a break from writing a paper for my psyc class. have been trying to put my thoughts and information i got from interviewing others (thank you so much u guys for providing me with all the info i need) in words, but it's much more difficult than i thought. much much more difficult.

i think today is the first time where i can start writing with a sounder mind without much distractions on what had happened. writing about this certain someone. when i first reviewed on our previous conversations, emotions ran high inside me and i didn't know how i would be able to pull together a paper that is concrete and informational based on the experience. i didn't know his death would affect me more than i thought. there were a lot of "what if"s. some regrets. some tears. sometimes, i wished the whole thing was just unreal. if someone asked me whether i would go back and changed what i would have done, i would say yes.

i want to say sorry a hundred times, a thousand times. i hope this paper will be a closure. please let it be.

thoughts

driving down 101
i saw a plane sailing in the sky
and wonder
what the people inside are thinking
are some going after something?
are some running away from somewhere
are some happy? are some tearing?
or are some emotionless

are they coming back home?
are they beginning a new life?
are there loved ones awaiting for them?
or maybe everything will be a breath of fresh air

thoughts.

love

yesterday at church I learned something which i've forgotten for a looooooooong time...

you cannot give away something you don't have.

so if i don't have love, specifically God's love, how can i give it away?

i need to learn how to let it stay inside my heart.