1 year

1 year ago today on june 16, i was going into the outpatient hospital on post street early in the morning and coming out 2 hours later in a half-asleep state, a huge bandage wrapped around my left knee covered with a big white stocking type of sock pulled up all the way to my thigh, locked in a tight leg brace. i was bounded to the couch during the day and to the bed at night, incapable of the movements i had always taken for granted. the smallest movements caused the biggest pain. knee surgery was the easy part, the tough part is getting myself on my feet again after that, literally.

took me 1 week to get in and out of the shower myself.
took me 3 weeks to perform a straight leg raise.
took me 4 weeks to walk without crutches or a knee brace.
took me 8 months to finish physical therapy.
took me 10 months to start playing alittle bit of basketball.

1 year later today, i look back on the past year and realize this experience has changed and shaped me. i'm all better, able to play ball games on the court again which i did today, and it felt great shooting and driving in. still lost alot of confidence in certain movements and there's still nagging pains in the knee, but nothing like before. i tell people that i will never want to have another experience like this, but then again i will not want to trade this experience for anything else. it has taught me humility, taught me perseverance, taught me hope and hard work. it has definitely taught me pain from a patient's view, and understanding pain by experiencing it is the best lesson i can ever learn. it taught me compassion in everyday life, and i'm looking forward to applying it in my future professional growth.

a year ago when i first learned about the torn ACL and menicus, i questioned why it had to be me. why at the time when i was playing my best game. a year later i finally realized God has an answer for everything. it's just a matter of God's time.

I FEEL LIKE CRAP

yeah that's right...

WOAHHHOAHHOAHHAHAH!!!!!

LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LET'S GO WARRIORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-adrenaline pump-

Lord have mercy

-song of my heart-

Jesus, I've forgotten the words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Chorus
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me
Repeat

I have built an altar where I worship things of men
I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning to Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgressions
Help me love You again

Repeat Chorus

I have longed to know You and Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end
I bow my heart before You in the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

Michael W. Smith (Amy Grant)

blah blah blah

i want to update my blog with this new post, but the thing is i don't know what to write. or i don't know where to start. or whether it's interesting. i don't want to feel like writing an essay 'cause i just crammed out one yesterday. feels like there's so much to do but i'm not getting much done (as you can see i'm writing this blog instead of doing my work). aiyahyah.

so 4 more weeks to school... 6 exams, 1 quiz, plus a whole bunch of labs and lectures before the final exams. i'm not too worried now, i mean i still stress out before all those but realizing that i've survived the ones before these, i think i'll come out in one piece. it's keeping myself going and focused when 1/2 the class dropped the subject.

of course there's summer school... and the class i wanted to take is already filled up. it's really annoying since every semester it's the same thing....! BIG sigh.

one happy thing is, i finally can play hoops without pain in my knee :) last week i played in this league 3 games in a row, my first games back 10 months since the surgery, and we won everything :) what a great start.

emotions

on a break from writing a paper for my psyc class. have been trying to put my thoughts and information i got from interviewing others (thank you so much u guys for providing me with all the info i need) in words, but it's much more difficult than i thought. much much more difficult.

i think today is the first time where i can start writing with a sounder mind without much distractions on what had happened. writing about this certain someone. when i first reviewed on our previous conversations, emotions ran high inside me and i didn't know how i would be able to pull together a paper that is concrete and informational based on the experience. i didn't know his death would affect me more than i thought. there were a lot of "what if"s. some regrets. some tears. sometimes, i wished the whole thing was just unreal. if someone asked me whether i would go back and changed what i would have done, i would say yes.

i want to say sorry a hundred times, a thousand times. i hope this paper will be a closure. please let it be.

thoughts

driving down 101
i saw a plane sailing in the sky
and wonder
what the people inside are thinking
are some going after something?
are some running away from somewhere
are some happy? are some tearing?
or are some emotionless

are they coming back home?
are they beginning a new life?
are there loved ones awaiting for them?
or maybe everything will be a breath of fresh air

thoughts.